It's been awhile.  Hey sobriety blog, how are you?  I'm not sober.  I'm just going to be honest.  My job changed and I am actually excited about it right now.  I've been waking up at 5:30 am and going for walks and actually eating breakfast at home.  I drink once a week.  I probably don't need to, but it's become routine.  I don't drink 3 times a week until I can't see, I drink a bottle of wine per week.  Usually on weekends.  I'm not making excuses.  I know I'm an alcoholic.  But you know, I know that I can't stop drinking once I start but...what am I doing?  I've read a dozen books and heard other....

My post was just erased.  Here is a summary of the things I wrote that no one will read:  I know I have a problem, but things are kind of awesome right now without booze.  Well, with a bottle of wine once a week.  Job is great, I feel good.  Not sure what to say about it.  Is The Big Bang funny?  I feel like it's trying too hard.  I have laughed, but I'm not sure.  Everything sounds like an excuse when it comes to drinking unless I quit cold turkey and start going to meetings every day.  I can't do that.  I was really really unhappy.  And not just not drinking unhappy.  I'm not a joiner.  I loved the meetings and would feel good while I was there, but I am just not willing to let strangers in... I don't know. I am not good at commitments that I do not look forward to.  I don't know.  I have had a bottle of wine, one hit of pot, and a beer tonight.  I won't be doing the 5:30 walk tomorrow, but I do love it.  I only drink at home,  because I hate the old bars now. 
I've decided that I'm going to work my ass off, drink a bottle of wine per week, walk and get up early the other days, and take guests as I see fit, and see how that works.  It will be empty to an extent, but my contract is for a year.  Save money, take care of myself, rock it out.